i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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