One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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