I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
