she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
