in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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