Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
BRING THE BAGELS
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
