as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she looked like the before picture.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
