Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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