but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
