It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
