so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
