I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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