tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
