She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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