The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
