420 ftw
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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