Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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