And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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