Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
