kristin has been a bad kristin
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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