I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I AM VODKA MAN
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
