can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
