Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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