So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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