Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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