I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think i peed on brittanys purse
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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