In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
