I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
