she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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