obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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