I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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