Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
