I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
