My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
