Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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