I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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