WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
