i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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