Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
