listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
