I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
