Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
