you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
