I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
