In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
