all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
