Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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