I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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