I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
