Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
