The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
