Don't make out with my wife yet
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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